Is there a link between attraction and love? Does feeling attracted to someone mean you are meant to be together for life? In my previous post, ‘The Truth about Attraction’, we explored physical and mental attraction. In this post, we go a step further to talk about emotional and spiritual attraction, and how attraction can lead to love.
Emotional Attraction
Emotional attraction is where a relationship really starts to get promising. It sets you apart in the other person’s mind as someone they could potentially spend their life with. It’s about how you make a person feel in your presence and how they make you feel. When being in each other’s presence consistently stirs up positive emotions which leave you feeling energized, you know you are probably on to something. Nobody in their right mind would pursue a relationship with someone who drains their energy and motivation. Your partner should make you feel like you can take on the world.
Emotional attraction is constructed by our attitudes towards each other in a relationship. Do we make each other feel valued and protected in a relationship or do we make each other feel used and abused? An atmosphere of comfort, safety and security in a relationship makes us feel like we actually belong together and creates the right atmosphere for love to blossom. Do we feel comfortable in each other’s presence? A relationship will only progress if both parties feel that they are able to let down their guard and enjoy being in each other’s presence without fear of manipulation and hidden agendas.
Your heart is one of the most precious things God has given you. Don’t give it to just anyone who comes along and asks for it. If you guard your heart and your emotions until the right person comes along who can handle it with care, you will reap the rewards in deep emotional connection that is rooted in respect for each other.
Spiritual Attraction
Spiritual attraction is the highest level on the attraction scale and is determined by your relative spiritual compatibility. Your spiritual state will determine who will be attracted to you and who won’t. Someone who is totally passionate for God and sold out to His Kingdom is very unlikely to be drawn to a shallow, tepid Christian. Likewise, someone who likes to sit on the fence when it comes to the things of God is unlikely to go for a fired up, out-on-a-limb kind of Christian who is determined to change the world for God. If you are passionate about God, you are unlikely to be able to build a successful relationship with someone who is indifferent to Him. If what matters most to you means nothing to them, where is the common ground? You will find yourself unable to trust your life into their hands, and rightfully so.
Spiritual maturity is profoundly attractive to a God-loving Christian and is a function of an intimate walk with God and an ability to apply God’s word to day-to-day living. There is a stability that comes from knowing that you and your partner are seeking God first, over and above everything else in life. Ecclesiastes 4:12 (VOICE) puts it succinctly. ‘A rope made of three strands is not quickly broken.’ You, your partner and God will make an unbeatable team. The closer you both are to God, the closer you will be drawn to each other. Spiritual attraction ties all the other levels of attraction together. It inspires confidence in the future of your relationship. When you are drawn to someone spiritually, you are more likely to see a future in that relationship and to invest in that future.
Attraction vs Love
Physical attraction inspires curiosity; mental attraction inspires respect; emotional attraction inspires romance; spiritual attraction inspires confidence, but what is the relationship between attraction and love? Are they one and the same? I am convinced that mistaking one for the other is behind much of the heartbreak we have in relationships and marriages today.
Attraction is an emotion that suggests to you that a person might be worth building a relationship with but it can never serve as a foundation for that relationship. The very fact that attraction is an emotion suggests that it will be transient, just like sadness, happiness, anxiety, curiosity and anticipation. Emotions by nature are never permanent; they come and go depending on circumstances.
Attraction can never replace love and not all attraction blossoms into love. Many people enter into marriage on the false hope that their attraction will sustain their marriage. Attraction does not have the capacity to hold a marriage together. Only love can do that. Love is not an emotion; it is first and foremost a choice. It is a choice to commit to someone unconditionally, regardless of the current state of your emotions. It is a decision to treat someone right whether or not you feel attracted to them at that particular point in time. While this does not sound nearly as exciting as attraction, it is the core of what makes for enduring relationships because attraction may ebb and flow but love is constant.
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