Some Christians feel that it is ungodly to talk about attraction in the church because a real Christian doesn’t feel that way. I believe God created us with the capacity to attract and be attracted for a reason. The power of attraction was God’s master plan to ensure that the human race does not become extinct! It is a divinely created mechanism for sparking off relationships and it was not a result of the fall of man because Adam felt it before the fall. Genesis 2:23 (ERV) records Adam’s words when he met Eve like this, “Finally! One like me, with bones from my bones and a body from my body. She was taken out of a man, so I will call her ‘woman.’”. The man was definitely feeling something there. Something he did not feel while he was naming the giraffe, hippopotamus and baboon!
Attraction serves as an introduction which tells you that the person you are attracted to might be worth investigating. Attraction occurs on various levels. For a relationship to evolve there must be attraction on at least one level. Analysing what level you’re at will help you understand what that relationship can produce. The more levels of attraction present in a relationship, the more promising that relationship might be.
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Physical Attraction
Physical attraction is base level attraction, the zero level on the scale but nevertheless significant. This level is especially important to men because they are programmed to respond to what they see. They are highly visual and this is not evidence of a lack of spirituality, it is simply God’s design because of their role as the pursuer.
Physical attraction sparks off interest in another person. If you think it is over-rated, consider the fact that it is mentioned in many of the great love stories in the Bible. The rule of thumb is that people tend to look at the outward appearance before they see the heart!
The key to making physical attraction work for your relationships is to treat it like the dessert, not the main meal! Your relationship will falter very quickly if it is based squarely on physical attraction because relationships were not designed to be sustained by physical attraction. Physical attraction should not inform your decision making; it should only inspire you to commission an enquiry into the person you are attracted to because what you see is not always what you get. Don’t try to make physical attraction mean more than what it really is – an invitation to dig deeper.
Mental Attraction
Mental attraction is the next level up on the attraction scale. Mental attraction is born or dies the moment you open your mouth. Conversation can strengthen the bond between you and another person or it can erode the last vestige of attraction that existed.
Words paint pictures in people’s minds, not just about what you are talking about but also about who you are. Your words convey your interests, your opinions, your values, your attitudes and your focus. Your words can portray you as informed, spiritual, interesting, confident, satisfied, fun, ambitious, interesting, compassionate, or they can portray you as a moaner, a victim, self-centred, quarrelsome, indifferent or worst of all, desperate. Words pack a strong punch. People are evaluating you every day on the basis of the words you speak. What do your words say about you?
Words can make or break your chances in a relationship. The more you listen to a person, the easier it is to imagine what it will be like living the rest of your life with them. If they are only interested in the sound of their own voice and do not allow you to get a word in edgeways, that is a fair indicator that they will value their opinion above yours every time. If someone is inclined to start an argument every time you have a conversation, you might wish to ask yourself whether you are prepared to cope with verbal gymnastics on a daily basis for the rest of your life. You might end up with mental exhaustion rather than mental attraction!
Your ability to bond mentally with someone goes beyond intellectual prowess and qualifications. It extends to your awareness of issues that are of interest to that person. If you are drawn to someone, ask yourself, ‘Am I intrigued by this person’s thought processes? Do I find them stimulating and engaging? Am I interested in what they have to say?’ Mental attraction makes you want to listen to someone and hang on their every word. It draws out the highest respect for that person from within you and makes you look forward to the next interaction you will have because you enjoy being with them.
Look out for my next post, ‘How attraction can lead to love’, which explores emotional and spiritual attraction.
