Gwendolyn Guthrie was an American singer, pianist and prolific songwriter who is probably best known for her chart topping 1986 track, Ain’t Nothin’ Goin’ On But The Rent. For months you could not walk down the corridors of my university hostel without hearing some student’s music deck blaring the refrain of that popular song, ‘No romance without finance’. Much as I did not totally subscribe to the sentiments expressed by Gwen in the song, I have to say that she had stumbled on a basic reality which many people seem to ignore in relationships. Love often does not work out the way we expect it to when we fail to factor in the significant influence that money has on relationships. Below are three top money tips for courting couples.
Talk about money early in your relationship
When is the right time to talk about money in a relationship? You don’t want to begin to interview someone you have only known for a few weeks on their financial position. However, as soon as a relationship begins to get serious, you need to be comfortable enough to begin to explore each other’s perspectives on money. Share your views on tithing, giving, spending and saving and see whether they agree or conflict. Explore each other’s views on debt, investment, and whether there are any dependants on either side. Weaving money into your conversations and listening carefully to each other can be an eye-opener for both of you.
Don’t make your money one if you are not yet one
Don’t try to be one financially before you are actually one before God and in the eyes of the law. While you will need to begin to practice making financial decisions together, particularly when you are planning a wedding, it is premature to put all of your money together in a joint account when you are not yet married. Nobody gets engaged with the expectation that the relationship will not endure but stuff happens; you do not want to find yourself in a position where you have to disentangle complex financial arrangements after an unexpected split-up.
This also applies to making large purchases together, like buying a house together before you are married. Some people may differ with me on this but I have seen enough engagements break up to know that there is a world of difference between ‘I will’ and ‘I do’. The last thing you want is to be in a situation where the relationship is breaking down but you are hanging on to each other because you are bound together financially. Additionally, disagreements about who owns what can convert a break-up which would ordinarily be simply heart-breaking into an acrimonious dispute. This is unnecessary pain.
Kiss financial illiteracy goodbye
Financial illiteracy is one of the greatest causes of money problems. It is tragic that while money plays such a pivotal part in our lives, very few of us have the privilege of being mentored in how money works before we reach adulthood. Some people are naturally more numbers-savvy and therefore pick up good financial habits along the way. Most others simply learn by trial and error what works. And some people never learn at all!
One of the most valuable investments you can make towards minimising financial conflict in your relationship is gaining a financial education. The financial knowledge you have will directly influence the financial decisions you make. There is no bliss in ignorance. Marriage is a partnership and both individuals need to be well-informed. You leave yourself vulnerable if you do not empower yourself with basic financial know-how. There are tragic stories told of people who face financial ruin after the sudden passing away of their spouse because they never took interest in the family finances when the spouse was alive.
We live in a world where information is at our fingertips so there really is no excuse for ignorance. Buy a book, search for information online, attend a seminar, do whatever you can to gain the financial savvy you need to make smart money decisions. Learn about budgeting, savings, investments, property, and tax efficiency and give yourself a money makeover. It is not enough to make money; you need to know how to manage it.
Dave Ramsey, best-selling Christian author and financial coach, says that we gain financial mastery the same way we learned how to walk – one step at a time. In his debt freedom programme, The Seven Baby Steps: Begin your journey to financial peace, Dave explains that the journey to financial peace begins with small measurable advances, starting right where you are. It is never too early or too late to start; investing in financial wisdom today will put you in a vantage position to leave a legacy tomorrow.
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