I was stunned when I spotted the following article in the September 23, 2009 edition of Metro newspaper titled ‘The sex degrees of separation’.
‘The average British adult has indirectly had sex with 2,811,024 people. Those of you finding the figures shocking can input your own personal data into a new internet calculator that aims to help people understand the risks of unprotected sex. The average is based on people having 7.65 sexual partners in their lifetime, according to research carried out by Lloyds Pharmacy. “When we have sex with someone, we are, in effect, not only sleeping with them but also their previous partners and so on,” said Clare Kerr, head of sexual health for the chemist chain which developed the online tool.’
These figures are even more alarming when we factor in the spiritual significance of sex. God loves sex but He is particular about the context in which it is practised, primarily because sex is not just a physical act. There is much more to it than meets the eye. Three spiritual events are encapsulated in the sex act – knowing, joining and becoming.
Sex is knowing
The Bible often uses the word ‘know’ to describe the act of sex. Sex is a revelation; a total uncovering of who you are to another human being. Revealing your body is a very minute part of what happens when you have sex with someone. Sex reveals your soul. It opens up your spirit, the inner recesses of your being, to that person. No human being has the right to know you to that degree unless they are committed to loving you for the full extent of your life here on earth, because there is no greater rejection than to be spurned by a person who knows all that there is to know about you. This is why sexual abuse of any kind is so heart-wrenching. It violates the personhood of the victim to a greater degree than any other crime.
Sex is joining
When does the joining of a man and woman in matrimony actually occur? Is it at the altar when they are pronounced man and wife? In reality, this moment is only symbolic of the joining that will later take place when the couple comes together in the act of sexual intimacy. Even the law recognises this which is why a marriage that has not been consummated can be annulled or declared null and void, as though it had never taken place, while a marriage that has been consummated even once is considered valid by law. You become joined to whoever you have sex with. 1 Corinthians 6:15 makes it clear that sex results in joining. This is a spiritual law and is one reason why some people have dysfunctional marriages – prior to marriage they have fragmented their personhood by being joined to so many other people along the way. As such they struggle to attain a sense of oneness with their spouse because of all the baggage they have acquired from previous sexual relationships.
Sex is becoming
Thirdly, sex is an act of becoming. Genesis 2:24 states that a man and his wife ‘become’ one flesh. Similarly, 1 Corinthians 6:16 explains that a man and a prostitute ‘become’ one body when they share the sex act. It makes no difference whom you sleep with; you rise up from that bed a different person from when you lay down. You ‘become’ whether you like it or not, and God urges us to be mindful of who we are becoming with each sexual encounter. Sex is fun but it is also serious. There is more to it than a mere physical encounter.
Where do we go from here?
When we understand the significance of sex, we begin to comprehend how precious a gift it is. Knowing, joining and becoming are beautiful experiences designed to bind a husband and wife together ever closer with each passing year. So what should you do with your sex drive in the interim? Offer it up to God as a sacrifice. You of all people know that your sex drive is alive and well but when you place it upon the altar of devotion to God every single day it becomes a living sacrifice. This needs to be a daily act because living sacrifices have a tendency to want to crawl off the altar every now and then. Michelle McKinney-Hammond, best-selling author and relationship expert, describes in her animated style the difficulty of moments ‘when you wake up in the night and your body is attending a party you didn’t know you were invited to’. Each time this happens, we just have to keep giving our bodies back to God on the altar.
You may be thinking, ‘Been there, done that…Where were you when I was 18?’ Perhaps you are haunted by the memory of a sexual past that you feel you cannot erase. God does not condemn you so why condemn yourself? Forgive yourself; accept God’s forgiveness and move on. In the words of Carl Bard, ‘Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending’. The future is yours for the making.
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